Wedding Festivities

Yesterday I went to a true African wedding. My friends, Lucy and Okwin, have some friends in town that are teachers in New Mexico and have a house here as well as a family that they have "adopted." Judy and Valentine are in town to celebrate their God-daughter's wedding and graciously invited us along. I have never been to anything like it and I only stayed for the beginning of the festivities! Bento, the bride married her cousin, an arranged marriage, which is common practice in their household. The first part of the wedding, the part I attended, was held at the bride's family's compound which houses around 40 people from 3 generations: grandparents, 9 siblings, their spouses and children. The house was one long corridor of rooms with doors facing to the outside, like a motel, and a common living space, bathroom and kitchen outside. All of the rooms could easily fit inside my parent's house and the lot could probably fit into their backyard, so you can imagine how crowded the compound is everyday. Today everyone was outside in the most beautiful clothes, cooking for everyone and enjoying the festivities.

When I first got there it was about 1:00 and all the women were busy preparing food and the children were everywhere. I was introduced to countless people and we all hugged and kissed three times. Only women com to this ceremony (with the exception of just a few) and the men go to the mosque to pray and do the actual marriage. Only men are allowed in the mosque, so women have their own celebration. The women cooked lots of rice, eggplant, fried fish, and some kind of spicy gumbo-looking stuff. We all sat around and chatted and fanned ourselves while the bride got ready. When she was finally ready (about an hour and a half late) she arrived with 2 taxis blaring their horns and drummers drumming and blowing whistles.

Everyone ran to the street to greet her and get lots of pictures. There were only a few cameras (the 3 American women and the official photographer) so whoever had a camera became very popular. She was in a beautiful, colorfully embroidered gown with henna designs on her hands and feet and a lime green linen veil. The whole neighborhood was out cheering and dancing. When she finally made it in the compound they did a little ritual where she and her sister drank some water, then it was poured on her feet. A mat was laid at her feet where women opened their pocket books and poured money onto it. This is to honor the bride but it also honors the giver because it shows that she has enough money to spare. It was small money, not more than the equivalent of 20 cents to $2, but it added up to at least $15. Even the bride threw some money in! Finally they picked up the mat and danced around with the money.

After more pictures were taken with the bride and her family (I, along with the other Americans were considered part of the family). Then the drumming, singing and dancing began. There were 3 drummers that were hired and boy did they have rhythm. There was a woman's group there who sing at weddings. They didn't have very pretty singing voices but they did a great job leading the group in upbeat and festive chants and songs. My friend called them "clowns" to indicate that they were just there to provide entertainment. We formed a large circle in the compound and all the women danced these intense energy-filled dancing where they stomped and jumped and moved their arms and bodies in ways that are difficult to describe. It was an invigorating and exciting dance and they would literally push each other out of the way to dance. I don't think they minded being pushed out of the circle through, it was so hot and the most energy-sapping dances, it was almost like they were getting "tagged out of the ring" like they do in those fake wrestling matches. They danced for about 2 hours and then lunch was served.

Communal eating is common here. Everyone eats off of one plate using only the right hand, no utensils. You pick it up and use your fingers to kind of roll it into a ball and then pop it in your mouth. It's really hard to not ever use your left hand but that is used for dirtier tasks and not considered sanitary. I'm a slow eater by nature and am always still hunger after communal eating. I hadn't had anything to eat all day, it was already 6:00, and after our communal meal I was still very hungry. I decided to leave so I could get a more substantial meal and take a nap. After I left they were going to carry all of the bride's belonging through the street in a great parade to her in-laws' compound where she and husband are going to live. At that compound the festivities will repeat themselves, with a lot more drumming, singing and dancing, more eating and then more dancing and eating. This can go on for days and days.

After only 5 hours I was exhausted. I need to work on my African stamina! The whole thing was a blast and a true celebration. I'm so grateful that I was able to be a part of it!