Love and Marriage

One thing I've found really interesting is learning about dating and marriage customs here. There are a few things that I've been learning a lot about: polygamy and arranged marriage. Shortly before I came, I read a popular book, "The 19th Wife," about making polygamy illegal in the United States, people who still practice it, and some of the family nuiances that it creates. It was interesting to find some of my good friends here grew up with several "mothers in their home and many, many half-brothers and sisters.

By law, a man can have up to 4 wives here, but must love them equally and be able to provide for them financially. Large familie are both respected and desired here, some women have 10 or 12 kids. There is a pecking order among the wives. The first wife is the boss of the second, the second the boss of the thrid, and so on. So most women want to be the first wife because the lower on the totem pole she is, the more work she will have to do. I talked to my friend at length about his family, his mother was a first wife. He believes that it's a great system because the women are able to split the many duties that women have here, and there is always a mother around if one is traveling, gets sick or dies.

Generally, a mother picks out her sons' wives. The custom is for the new wife to move into her husband's house. She becomes a part of that family and the entire family calls here "our wife." The family can even marry a girl without the man being there. Many people go to study in the United States or Europe and its not unusal for them to return home to a spouse they didn't know about. The idea is that your family know what's best for you and will choose a spouse that will suit you and be a good match for the family. Divorce is not generally an option (although it is becoming more prominent) because women who are divorced are generally considered damaged goods and often have to move back to their parents' house with no money and little prospects.

In addition to these, Gambia also has a lot of people traveling here for sex tourism. It's incredibly common to see older white women with young Gambian men. These are generally wealthier women from the Scandanavian countries or the UK who come here for several weeks or months at a time looking for a boyfriend. Sometimes they even hprovide an apartment and send money to their boyfriend when they leave and expect them to stay in touch and be there the next time they come to visit. On rare ocassions, they even get married and take their husbands back to Europe or the States with them. It's a popular business and you can find young men looking for women on any beach or tourist scene. More and more of these men are getting "accredited" to be official tour guides and thats helping improve their salaries and their overall condition.

It's a bit scandalous that a woman my age would be unmaried, with no children, living alone AND traveling by myself. Since I arrived I have had a fictional family of a husband and a few kids. I've had a good time making up my fictional family and they often change names and occupations, but aas long as I can tell people about them I don't get a thousand questions, propositions and sad comments about what an old maid I am and how I must be disgracing my parents! Quite diffent from the strong, independent woman image so many people aim for in the States! Anyway, its been quite an education and I could really talk for hours about my various feelings about the customs here. I'll let you enjoy your long weekend instead:) Happy 4th America!